Causes of Grief
No matter what the source, grief is painful. Death is obviously a major cause of grief and may be the greatest contributor to our sense of loss. However, there are so many other reasons we experience grief and pain. It’s so important to realize not all losses have to do with death. The following is a list of some other losses; you may have additional experiences that have caused pain in your life so keep in mind this is not a comprehensive list.
Separation
Divorce
Moving
Disability after an illness or accident
Miscarriage
Loss of property (something important lost, destroyed, or stolen)
Loss of relationship or love
Loss of security, job, freedom, self-esteem, status, finances, trust, innocence, hopes and dreams
Recall Previous Losses
Each time we experience a new grief, the pain may be compounded as we are reminded of our previous losses. This is normal, and although it may be painful to remember, it can actually be helpful. It may seem odd and downright uncomfortable to intentionally think about past hurts, but reviewing the course your grief has taken in the past will help you with your present pain. As you reflect on past hurts, examine your reactions. How did you resolve your grief with each one? Did you resolve your grief or just “sweep it under the rug?” Sometimes we feel it necessary to ignore the hurt, or it could be just too painful to deal with the grief at hand, so we hide it for a while. We believe that once the pain is hidden, we can continue on with our lives because the grief isn’t there to cause us trouble. But it is still there! You didn’t eliminate the issue… you just moved it. Grief may be temporarily hidden, but it will always show back up until you deal with it. So as painful as it may be, you need to recall your previous losses.
Identify, Recognize, and Work Through
With all of the painful issues of your life brought into the light, you may feel that so much grief should be left in the dark. Not true! The good news is that you can overcome these painful issues and prevent them from ever becoming future stumbling blocks. You are strong enough to deal with each issue from the past. You can resolve old issues that still cause you pain and you will release them. You will now effectively deal with each grief as it comes, refusing to hide it. You will make progress in your grief journey if you just keep moving forward! Keep proclaiming those positive affirmations and follow these steps that can help.
1. Identify your losses throughout your life, all of them, not just the most recent one. Many kinds of losses can affect you deeply so think fully and completely on this. There may be devastating losses or smaller ones that still made you feel bad; identify and recognize them all.
2. Think about how you survived past disappointment and trauma. Reflect on how you dealt with the pain at the time. Be encouraged from your past recoveries and start working through any remaining hurts. Once dealt with, most hurts just become memories with no pain associated with them.
3. Working through the pain and grief can take time and can be carried out in many different ways. You may want to talk to a trusted friend or family member about the grief you have recognized. You can also journal your feelings or participate in cathartic activities such as exercise, music or other arts. You may try prayer and take your concerns to God. (He is always interested in hearing from you in your time of need.) In some cases, professional or spiritual counseling is recommended.
Working through grief takes time and energy but it’s difficult to even begin your journey toward a healthy future without first recognizing and dealing with your past.